Do you like to win? I know I do. I have an unhealthy addiction to winning. Particularly, winning arguments.
An argument can be seen as a conversation where both people enter with fixed conclusions, lacking any real desire to listen, learn, understand, or recognise the image-bearing person before them and the story God is shaping in their life.
There’s an itch that gets scratched when I “win” an argument. I feel more powerful. I feel smarter. I feel vindicated. If I’m honest, I might even feel smug. And I like to think I’m pretty good at it, after so many years of practice.
But where does that motivation come from? What deceptive desire am I seeing as “good and pleasing to the eye,” reaching out, and grabbing?
Am I leaving the victory to God? Am I acknowledging that “the earth is the Lord’s and everything in it”? Am I letting God be my shield and my salvation? Am I being like ”…Christ Jesus who, though he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped, but… humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death — even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6–8)?
What Scripture Says About Arguments
The Bible has a lot to say about this:
“Have nothing to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone…” — 2 Timothy 2:23–24
“Avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.” — Titus 3:9
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” — James 1:19–20
“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is… peace-loving, considerate, submissive…” — James 3:16–17
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” — Ephesians 4:2–3
And perhaps the most confronting:
“Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters.” — 1 Corinthians 6:7–8
An Invitation
If you like to win — whether in your own subtle way, or even in an unspoken way, or a more obvious way — I invite you to repent with me, and embrace the humility of Christ.
“In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered” (Hebrews 2:10). Let’s win in the same way Christ did — through suffering, in humility — and echo Christ, saying “I will put my trust in Him” (Hebrews 2:13). God help us.
All that to say: conversations are good. Learning together is wonderful. Robust discussions, testing ideas, pushing back on preconceptions and assumptions, having a thick skin, and actually believing in true things are all good and worthwhile. But we should be careful to define what we consider “core,” and hold loosely everything else with a level of humility appropriate to our status as humans — who remain distinct from God, even if we have the Holy Spirit.